A Cabbage By Any Other Name
by sleepylittleliar
Summary: [Laslow x Corrin] Laslow has always been bad with women, and Corrin is no exception. However, when his 'harmless' flirting suddenly becomes very real, will he be able to get her to take him seriously?
1. Not Your Average Vegetable

"Laslow, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not going to have tea with you. End of story." Corrin sighed, crossing her arms. "Besides, you told me you wanted to talk to me about an important matter, and I assumed it had to do with a strategy for the upcoming battle."

"But it _is_ important, Lady Corrin! What if this was to be our last day on earth? Life is too short for such harsh words," Laslow grinned, leaning on a nearby support pillar.

"Good to know how much faith you have in my ability to keep my men alive," She smirked. "Besides, there are plenty of other women here for you to hit on. Why not go after one of them?"

"Why, isn't it obvious? None of these exquisite creatures could even hold a candle to your radiant beauty!" Laslow winked. "The very idea of it being otherwise is utter blasphemy," He said slyly, pulling out a rose and handing it to her.

"If I had a grain of rice for every time I've heard you say that to someone else, I could feed both Hoshido _and_ Nohr for centuries." Corrin remarked. She held the flower he gave her in her hand, examining it carefully. "Laslow, I know I'm not the first one you've tried this on today."

"What makes you say that?"

"The tag says ' _Dearest Rinkah.'"_ She rolled her eyes, handing the rose back. "I'm guessing that's how you got your black eye?"

"Oh, this old thing? Pah, 'tis nothing! I got it while sparring with Subaki." He gave her a cat-like, lopsided grin.

"Right…" She murmured. "Well, as sweet as this second-hand sentiment is, I have to go tend to the stables." Corrin began to walk away.

"Ah, why must you wound me so, my sweet? How incorrigible of you, milady. Won't you stay and tend to this poor, battered heart?" He gestured dramatically at his chest.

"She won't, but I'll be happy to rip it out of your chest if that's what you want!" Elise giggled, walking out from behind a wall. Laslow gulped, staring wide-eyed at the dangerously cheerful looking princess. "I'm sure Xander will be happy to hear that one of his trustworthy retainers is trying his darndest to woo his little sister," She added, hands innocently folded behind her back, smiling.

"Ah, Lady Elise! How unexpected," Laslow laughed nervously, looking around for any potential witnesses. "No need to tell Lord Xander; I was just offering a platonic gesture of friendship! Honestly, the thought of any doing any other such thing never crossed my mind," He croaked. Elise looked pointedly at the rose in Corrin's hand.

"Oh? Then what about this? Roses aren't usually the kind of flower you give out of platonomy..." She grinned slyly. "Must I call Camilla?"

"If it helps, it has another girl's name on it." Corrin shrugged. Elise frowned, scrunching her face at Laslow.

"Seriously, Laslow? No wonder you keep striking out! You can't even pick a girl to focus on!" She chided, wagging her finger at him. "How many times do we have to tell you? You can't win it all, so just choose one and be done with it!"

"But of course, milady!" Laslow exclaimed, with a snap of his fingers. "Excuse me, but may I have the rose back, Lady Corrin?"

"Sure, knock yourself out." Corrin said, eyebrow raised. She returned the flower to him, and watched as he took out a pen, hastily scribbling something out in black ink. He gave it back, giving her a deep bow. The Princess of Hoshido examined the rose once more, frowning.

"All you did was scribble out 'Rinkah' and write my name... Which is spelled wrong." She looked up, to see Laslow mentally whacking himself in the head. He winced. "My name is not Corrine."

"Ugh, you're so hopeless..." Elise sighed. "I'm gonna go vomit. But first…" She grinned eerily. Laslow gulped, turning white. "Laslow, I need to speak to you. In _private_."

"If you insist," He stammered ever so slightly. He shifted his hand a bit closer to his weapon, just in case. Laslow turned to Corrin, smiling once again. "As always, the pleasure was all mine."

"No kidding," Elise snorted. "Now follow me!" She huffed, grabbing him by the ear. He let out a yelp of protest as she dragged him around the corner, stomping on his foot in the process. Corrin looked on, wondering whether or not she should be worried. She stared at the rose for a few seconds before sighing and seeking refuge in her quarters.

* * *

"What's the big idea, Laslow? If you think you're gonna take advantage of my big sister, you've got another thing coming, ya big lug!" Elise fumed, steam practically coming out of her ears. She whacked him firmly on the side of the head.

"Ow! It's nothing like that, I swear on my life!" Laslow said, rubbing the spot where she hit him. "I had only the noblest of intentions!" She hit him a second time.

"I know you, Laslow. Your philandering ways know no bounds! You'd hit on a cabbage if it had legs." She glared at him. "You spend every one of your waking hours flirting with random women! I'll have you know that Corrin is different. She's not going to be another notch on your belt, got it?"

"But she's not just another notch on my belt," He protested. "I wasn't trying to do anything like that!"

"Do you love her?" Elise asked, crossing her arms. Laslow rubbed his neck, feeling her gaze piercing him like daggers.

"Well…" He heard his own voice trail off.

"If you don't intend on being with her in that way, then why on earth would you pull such nonsense?!" She asked angrily, pulling his ear until his face was inches away from hers. "Well? Spit it out!" She huffed. "Or do I have to tell Xander?"

"Heavens, no!" Laslow said, face turning white. "Fine, I'll tell you…" he sighed. "Just promise not to hit me again, okay?"

"Fineeee…" Elise growled under her breath, though she noted that he said nothing about stabbing. She crossed her arms, waiting expectantly for an answer.

"I swear to you, I am not trying to take advantage of Corrin. That's never my intention when I speak to a lady, cross my heart!" He exhaled, shoulders going limp. "I... I just... eurgh..." He said, feeling the words floating away from him when he most needed them.

"I've never seen you at a loss for words, I'll give you that..." Elise sighed. "I won't push you, but you have to promise - _absolutely no_ going after Corrin unless... Unless you intend on marrying her, ok?" She said, letting go of his ear. He staggered backwards, nearly falling on his hindquarters. "You are hereby forbidden from _'making a move'_ on her, unless you intend on asking for her hand in marriage."

"I guess that's fair..." Laslow sighed. "I promise."

"Pinkie promise?" Elise asked, holding out her right hand.

"Pinkie promise," Laslow smiled, wrapping his pinkie around hers.

"Good," She laughed, returning to her jovial self.

"I must be going, I have an urgent matter to attend to." Laslow coughed, clearing his throat. He shook himself, trying to clear his mind.

"Ok, just remember our deal. _No flirting with Corrin_ ," Elise said, glaring intently at him, a dangerous smile on her face.

"You have my word," He bowed, then turned to walk away. However, just before he broke eye contact, he found himself winking.

"LASLOW!"


	2. 3 Ways to Core a Cabbage

"Laslow, may I speak with you for a second?" Corrin said, walking up to him from behind. She clasped her hands behind her back, swinging herself back and forth absentmindedly. He was polishing his sword, sitting on a large rock outside of the mess hall. Looking up, he gave her a wide grin.

"Why, of course! I always have the time to speak to a lovely lady such as yourself," He winked. "What can this fine gentleman do for you? Tea, perhaps?"

"No, nothing like that. I was wondering if you could help me with something," She said. "I sent Subaki and Hana on a reconnaissance mission a while ago, and they still haven't returned." She sighed. "I'm starting to get worried,"

"I'd love to assist you on this endeavor, but I must ask - why not ask someone more suited to a situation such as this?" Laslow said, putting down his polishing cloth. He set his weapon to the side gingerly. "If they've been captured, Kaze or Saizo would be far more capable of helping you rescue them." He reached for the glass of water that was on the ground next to him, and began to drink.

"I know, but... They're both unavailable. Kaze has been avoiding me ever since he accidentally walked in on me in the ba-" Corrin began, but was cut short by the spray of water that spewed out of Laslow's mouth as he struggled not to choke. "Laslow?"

"Lucky basta-" He coughed, sputtering, "-Er, I'm terribly sorry, that last gulp must've - uh, went down the wrong pipe."

"Oh, okay... No need to apologize." Corrin said. "So, are you up for this or not?" she asked, eyebrow raised. A gust of wind blew by, sending her hair fluttering in all directions. Laslow blinked.

"Absolutely! Just give me a few minutes to prepare," He smiled, getting up. He put his sword back in its sheath, dusting himself off.

"Thanks, Laslow! You're a lifesaver, I owe you one." Corrin laughed. Laslow's eyes widened, and his smile got even wider.

"Oh?" He chuckled. "I'll make sure to give the method of your repayment serious consideration, my dove." He stared directly into her eyes for just a second, then turned on his heel to get his armor. "I'll be back in a heartbeat, my sweet!"

Corrin was taken aback, temporarily losing her normally cool and composed demeanor. She shook herself, trying to process what had just happened. Sighing, she pushed whatever she was feeling to the side, deciding to deal with it later.

She sat down on a patch of grass, waiting for his return.

Five minutes later, Laslow appeared next to Corrin, who had apparently nodded off while waiting. He gazed at her peaceful expression for a while, before nudging her on the shoulder. "Corrin?"

"Huh?" She yawned, stretching her arms. "Oh, sorry. I guess I fell asleep," she shrugged. The princess slowly stood up, arching her back in an effort to wake herself up.

"No worries, milady - you were the very epitome of beauty, laying there in the grass just then. I must admit, I could barely take my eyes off you." Laslow chuckled. "Now, where did you say Subaki and Hana were last seen?"

"I sent them to investigate enemy activity in the northeast, just past the White River. There have been rumors of an enemy hideout in the nearby caves." Corrin replied, completely ignoring the first half of his statement. "It's gonna be a long walk."

-oOoOoOo-

Corrin and Laslow were on the move for less than thirty minutes, when Laslow suddenly spoke up.

"Remember how you told me you 'owed me one?'" Laslow smiled, twirling his sword in the air.

"Yeah, so?" Corrin replied. "Also, stop doing that. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Worry you not, my dear! For I am a trained profe- OW!" He yelped, as the hilt of the sword caught him in the side of the head. Corrin sighed, giggling.

"You really are one of a kind, you know that?" She said, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards ever so slightly. Laslow hummed in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, looking away. "Makes me wonder why you waste your time chasing after random women."

"Does that mean you're reconsidering tea?" He gasped in mock surprise. The princess laughed, a sound so free and so joyous that Laslow couldn't help but grin.

"Not even if you served unicorn piss with a side of honey," She snorted, smiling even wider. Laslow's eyes widened.

"That was a bit crass, wouldn't you say? Very unlike you- or so I thought." He chuckled. However, his merriment was cut short as he tripped on a rock. He fell flat on his face, and Corrin rushed to his side.

"Are you okay?" She asked, holding out her hand for him to grab. Taking it, he pulled himself up and wiped the grass off his chest.

"No need to worry yourself, milady! I'm right as rain, if not a little rattled." He said with a bow. "That just wasn't a sentence I ever pictured you saying, to be honest." He chuckled once again. "Is it just my imagination, or is milady beginning to like me?"

"Shut up," Corrin guffawed. "I could've reported you to Xander a long time ago, and he would've gladly had you castrated the next time you even looked at me funny."

"Then why didn't you?" Corrin froze.

"I... I'm not sure, actually." She said softly, more to herself than the philandering mercenary. Her head snapped in his direction, and before he knew what was happening, she was staring him in the eye. His face flinched. He wasn't used to this level of direct attention from her, or any other woman for that matter.

Sure, they usually threw things and cursed his name as their husbands chased him around the corner, but they never actually made eye contact. After a few moments of silence, he averted his gaze to the path ahead.

"We should probably keep going if we want to find them before nightfall," He said, voice cracking ever so slightly. Corrin blinked.

"Yeah, I guess." She coughed. They continued walking for about an hour without looking at each other before one of them spoke up again.

"Why do you do it?" She said, breaking the stark silence permeating the atmosphere.

"Milady?" He replied, eyes widening. All they could hear was each other's breathing and Laslow's heavy boots connecting solidly with the ground.

"Why do you act the way you do?" She repeated. "You flirt with every girl in sight, get rejected, thrown to the ground, sometimes literally, yet you keep doing the same things over and over again even though you know it didn't work and perhaps will never work." She began to slow down her pace.

Laslow stopped in his tracks, face contorting as an onslaught of thoughts ran through his head. His eyebrows furrowed and he opened his mouth, only to realize he had no words to offer. Noticing the sudden stillness, the princess turned around to look at him.

"I know Elise talked to you. I don't know exactly what she said, but she did." She sighed. "Even then, you couldn't give her an answer." Corrin looked to the sky, feeling the midday breeze on her face. "I'm not one to entertain advances by men that are meaningless."

"Ah, my sweet - I assure you, my advances are the opposite of meaningless," He replied with a shaky yet sultry voice. Smiling, he winced.

"You know how a person can say a word over and over again, and the word seems to lose all meaning?" She said flatly. Laslow stiffened. "You only turned your attention to me once literally every other woman in the army turned you down." Suddenly, all he could see were her blood red eyes staring him down. "I don't intend to fall for someone who only thinks of me as a plan B." She said softly.

Though her gaze seemed hostile, her body language gave hints of vulnerability. Her fists were clenched, and Laslow could have sworn that her legs were shaking, if only a little. He opened his mouth once again, but he couldn't make anything come out.

"If you truly cared for any of the women you've professed your love to, then you'd just choose one of them and be done with it." She paused, allowing her body to relax. Her chest trembled as she began to inhale. "I want to get married one day. When that day comes, I can only hope that I'm the only one in my husband's heart - and I honestly can't see that happening with you."

"Corrin?" Laslow could feel his heart pounding in his chest, as it got harder and harder to breathe.

"I know I'll regret saying this, but I actually want to give you a chance." She sighed. "But everyone - my friends, my family, and every instinct I have, say I shouldn't." He winced once more, unsure how to feel or what to say or even what was happening. Before he could figure out what to say, she had already spun around and continued walking.

"So please, stop trying to make me feel like I'm the only one in your world, when we both know that I'm not."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, sorry for the long haitus! Finally finished chapter 2. I have to admit, I love, love LOVE this ship. I started this fic because Laslow hardly gets any love, I can't find many fics that center around him and Corrin as a couple. Laslow is my favorite character from the entire game, and I'm not ashamed to say it.

PS: Laslow's got a LOT of thinking to do! What do you think will happen next? Feel free to leave a review leaving your predictions!


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